Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Quick Facts...

Today's grandparent is more involved in "kinship care" than ever before.
When a grandparent fills a parent role, particularly when the parent is present, the lines of family authority tend to become confused in the child's mind.
Do not attempt to get grandchildren to take sides in their parents' divorce.
If a recently divorced in-law feels that weekly visits by the former spouse's parents are too difficult to manage for the moment, the grandparents should, in most instances, not argue.

Parenting a grandchild may require such resources as child-care, insurance, social security benefits, and interactions with other grandparents in similar circumstances.
An increasing number of births to unmarried teen mothers, a high divorce rate, and epidemics of HIV/AIDS, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and illegal drug (especially methamphetamine) use leave many children orphaned, or with parents unable to care for them.





Tips for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Following are some tips for grandparents to nurture grandchildren in a caregiving role:

With younger grandchildren, read to them everyday.
Help grandchildren practice safety by providing needed equipment and role-modeling behaviors like always buckling seat belts.
Keep immunizations up-to-date.
Provide nutritious foods.
Set a good example by calmly working out disputes, especially with the grandchild’s parents.
Monitor television, movie, music, and computer use by grandchildren.
If a grandchild has special needs, seek out services as soon as possible.
Make the grandchild feel loved and important.

Internet Resources
Administration on Aging is the federal government agency offering resources for grandparents raising grandchildren: www.aoa.gov/prof/notes/Docs/Grandparents_Raising_Grandchildren.pdf

AARP Grandparent Information Center provides a wide variety of resources for grandparents, as well as technical support materials to community-based groups and service agencies working with grandparents: www.aarp.org/families/grandparents

American Bar Association’s Center for Children and Law can provide answers to legal aspects of raising grandchildren: www.abanet.org/child/home.html

To Tell The Truth

Well, my 16 year old son, bless his heart had an art assignment to draw a dinosaur and include background from various perspectives and such. So I kept on him about "Have you finished your dinosaur?" "Oh ga, Mama, it's not due til Friday," he would say. So I kept on him. Today on the way to school I asked him about it again. He at first lied and said that he had finished it and when I asked him to see it he fessed up that he had not yet completed it. I told him that by golly that better be done by the time art class rolls around.

So about 1pm I texted him, since that is the communication mode of teenagers, and asked him if he was done and to tell me the truth. Typically I get a response immediately from him when I text but it took about an hour and a half and he sent me the simple response of "Yes". I suppose in that 90 minutes he was drawing like a mad man but hey, at least he did it and didn't lie about it.

Moral of the story-Children will lie to their parents it is up to us to know this and stay one step ahead of them and demand honesty.

Awesome Love and Logic Advice!!

Have you ever met an impatient adult who demanded to be served without ever having to wait? As a teenager and young adult, I worked a few restaurant jobs where I really got to see the long-term results of poor parenting in some of our impatient patrons. Years later as a psychologist, I met many couples whose on-going marital conflict had a lot to do with the fact that they never learned to delay gratification as kids. On the highways of life, how many times do we see impatient people risk their lives - and the lives of many others - by trying to get just one car length ahead?

Are you giving your kids enough practice waiting? Or, have you fallen into the habit of serving them quickly to avoid a fit? Using behavioral conditioning, many children train their parents to jump to their every whim. They do this by gradually increasing the frequency and intensity of the punishment they provide when their parents don't move fast enough to meet their demands. As you well know, this "punishment" comes in the form of constantly repeating the same demand, whining, yelling, screaming, or even hitting.

Wise parents avoid this trap by setting solid limits:
• I'll get that for you after I've seen you wait patiently.

• I do things for kids who aren't being pushy and demanding.

• You may have that when you've earned it.
Wise parents also remember:

The more I appease my child when he is young, the nastier and unhappier he will be as an adult.

If your kids have already become a bit too demanding and argumentative, learn how to put an end to this manipulation by reading Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless.